


What He'd Always Wanted To Hear

by dreams_of_destiel (fOreverer)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dean in Makeup, Deancest December, Eyeliner, Fluff, Homophobic John Winchester, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, John Winchester Being an Asshole, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Pre-Series, Protective Dean Winchester, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Acceptance, Self-Denial, Self-Discovery, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-cest, Twink Dean, Young Dean Winchester, well kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 07:55:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2843735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fOreverer/pseuds/dreams_of_destiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and his 24 year old self. Dean tells his younger self what he wishes he'd been told himself when he was young and experimenting with make-up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What He'd Always Wanted To Hear

Dean had almost forgotten about this. It took seeing his younger self to rekindle the memories. Before him his younger self stood, in front of a mirror, carefully applying eyeliner with a pencil. His mouth open in concentration, he seemed oblivious to Dean’s watchful gaze.

It was something he’d always been interested in. Growing up he’d see kids at school, girls and guys alike, experimenting with makeup. He remembered clearly buying his first eyeliner pencil. He’d hurried into the store, on his way back from an errand his dad sent him on. He’d even rehearsed an excuse for if the cashier asked him about it- it was for his girlfriend. He had practiced applying it in stolen moments of solitude- his first experience had taught him that he’d have to buy makeup remover also.

He’d never dreamed of wearing it in front of his father. He could imagine all too clearly John’s reaction to one of his son’s wearing makeup. “Fag” “Makeup is for girls” “What is wrong with you?” No, this was something Dean kept private- it wasn’t worth the trouble. After Sam left, his dad started to leave him alone to handle cases. Dean found the freedom exhilarating- it was something he had never gotten to experience. He began to wear eyeliner freely, as his younger self was proving to him right now.

“How long has he been gone?” Dean posed the question to his younger self’s back- he was still intent on his work. “Bout a month” the younger man’s response was delayed, his focus elsewhere. “He’ll call me when he wants me to meet back up with him.”

Yeah, that was John alright. Not for the first time, Dean wondered why he’d put up with his dad’s ill-treatment of him. It broke his heart to think of this Dean, so loyal to the father who’d done so much wrong by him. It had taken years, but Dean could finally see through the myth that John Winchester had built up around himself. All that in mind, Dean knew exactly what he needed to say to his younger self.

"That looks great by the way” The 22 year old turned, and fixed Dean with a firm stare, the lined eyes bringing an additional intensity. His mouth was fixed in a hard line and his eyebrows were raised-Dean recognized the defensive, he still used that expression.

“The eyeliner- it suits you. It’s great that you’re wearing it, you can’t get away with it at my age.” The corner of the young man’s mouth twitched in amusement, Dean could see that he was fighting to resist smiling. He’d never been all that great at accepting compliments.

“Yeah, I can’t believe we actually lived long enough to get old- real old by the looks of you.”

“Ouch” Dean rolled his eyes, placing a hand on his chest in feigned hurt. The sarcasm was not lost on the other Dean, who responded merely by mussing up his own hair. Dean marveled at his younger self’s indulgent attitude- it was so unlike the man that he had been for so long.

"Believe me, you won’t be laughing when you have to live through it”

“Bring it on I say” the young man grabbed the old leather jacket- Dean hadn’t seen it in years, and pulled it on.

"You know me, always up for a fight.”

Dean hummed in affirmation, incapable of tearing his eyes off the young man- he was breathtaking. It was odd to think such a thing about himself, but it was true. Yet Dean knew only too well of the low sense of worth that the young man had, the same sense that he’d always had himself. Objectified and weaponised, Dean knew that this Dean had a very low opinion of his own person. He crossed the room until he was standing in front of the younger man.

“It took me so long to work up the courage to wear that in public” he pointed at his own eye, though he referred to the make up his compatriot wore. “I remember being so afraid that someone would say something.” A slight flush appeared on the younger man’s cheek. Hurriedly, Dean continued before he was interrupted or deflected. “But I remember, even after the first time, it was slightly nerve-wracking going out in it- even though no one gave a damn!

“So I just want you to know that I’m really proud of you. I admire your courage. I am so glad that you are doing things for yourself, that your doing something for you and not because it’s what dad wants you to do. You are so strong.”

The younger man was speechless for a moment, which, if Dean remembered correctly, was a rare ocurence at this age. After a second, the younger man shook his head in disbelief, a smile spreading over his handsome face.

“Dude, that got pretty heavy considering we’re just going out for a few drinks?” Dean shrugged and turned to head towards the door. A hand stopped his movement, resting hesitantly on his arm.

“Thank you, though. That means a lot”

"You’re welcome.”

The pair shared smiles before heading out into the night.


End file.
